Only fingers can you count on

Just a few minutes ago, I told Tina Anne, "I love the people I love... but I don't love people." This was in regards to trying to leave the customer service industry. Tina Anne is the merchant teller at the bank.  Statistically speaking, she ranks pretty high on my all time favorite people list. She is the highest ranking African and certainly the highest Bank of America employee. Tomorrow she's going back home to Kenya for two weeks. I want to go to Kenya for two weeks. I think everyone I know personally who has travelled to Kenya (aside from those I know from Kenya) has been there on a mission trip. That's great, but I don't want to go there on a mission trip. I want to go on a mission: to explore Kenya.

I definitely have a hard time conveying to people how much I do care for them. Occasionally though, I just tear open and it pours out. I doesn't feel good afterwards. Maybe it should, but it doesn't. It's not regret or embarrassment, it's exhaustion. "Time heals all wounds," but more specifically, morning does. Morning is God's best tool for healing... probably something to do with fresh mercies. Good Christian a cappella group name: The Fresh Mercies. You can have it for free.

Aspen to Atlanta Photolog, pt. 6: Indiana

While we didn't spend as much time in Indiana as we did Illinois, and I took a lot less pictures in Indianapolis than I did Chicago... I am posting more Indiana pictures on my blog than I did of Illinois. We hit up Indiana's capital city at the golden hour (dusk) and it made for some magical lighting.

Indiana is a giant corn field. The only difference between it and Iowa is the presence of hills. However, once you get to Indianapolis, it gets very dense very quickly and you find yourself in the midst of a very compact urban core. I loved it. Very quaint without feeling small.

This first picture could sum up most of the state.























Sorry, but my home-state pride wouldn't let me resist posting this next one.



Casimir Pulaski!

This would add four more states to my repertoire

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An idea for a road trip crossed my mind earlier today. I've never been to Missouri, Kansas, Oklahoma or Arkansas and I would love to see St. Louis, Kansas City and most definitely Memphis. I've wanted to go to Memphis for a long time.

We'll see.

Aspen to Atlanta Photolog, pt. 5: Illinois

Chicago, the New Age,
But what would Frank Lloyd Wright say?
Oh Columbia!
Amusement or treasure,
These optimistic pleasures,
Like the Ferris Wheel!


Did you think it possible for me to post about Chicago and not start it off with a Sufjan quote? I won't even say much about Chicago... because it probably would take to long. I loved it. I love it still. I can't wait to go back. There is so much more I want to see.





















This picture reminds me of Kelly Clarkson.

Aspen to Atlanta Photolog, pt. 4: Iowa

Iowa is a bit like Nebraska for me... no, I don't mean boring (although...). I've always liked it, even long before visiting. Des Moines has always struck me as a cool city, especially for not being huge... the contrast between it and it's surroundings makes it all the bigger. We sidestepped from the interstate to see Des Moines and I snapped a couple good pictures.







There wasn't much motivation behind this last one. Taking a picture of a cornfield in Iowa is like taking a picture of a freckle on a ginger's face. Anyway, it turned out blurry... so I made it blurrier around the edges and voilà, it looks... still blurry. Anyway, it (along with one of the Nebraska shots) reminds me a bit of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.

Aspen to Atlanta Photolog, pt. 3: Nebraska

I don't have many pictures of Nebraska. This is mostly due to it being a lot of the same thing. It is also partly due to it being boring.

I have always loved Nebraska. Yes, this was my first time visiting... but if you aren't a geography nerd, you probably won't understand loving a place and "knowing" a place before you've even been there. For some reason, Nebraska has always been dear to my heart. Omaha especially. Unfortunately, we didn't see much of Omaha and we only saw Lincoln from far away at dusk (pretty neat, though). We camped in a park in Omaha but didn't make our way downtown before moving on.

Another fun fact: The car thermometer measured 113 degrees Fahrenheit in Grand Island. That's hot.

Aspen to Atlanta Photolog, pt. 2: Wyoming

Going though Wyoming isn't actually part of any quick route from Aspen to Atlanta. Good thing we were taking our time. Seeing Cheyenne was really cool. It's empty but charming. I can only imagine how charming it would be if there were any people about. I would love to spend more time in Wyoming (more than just the extreme southeastern corner).

Aspen to Atlanta Photolog, pt. 1: Colorado

It was last August when these were taken, so it's been a while... but gimme a break! I've been busy! I'll post just a few of my pictures from each state. They may or may not be the best of the bunch, but I may choose some based on character, some on sentimentality, or some maybe just because they are pretty pictures.

Here goes... This is Colorado.



















And this last one pretty much sums up Denver for me.



(I wasn't exactly enchanted by Denver.)

Living in my head

I'd like to think that moods are far more temporary than "funks." I think funks might be moods that have settled and have lasted far to long to still be classified as moods but are not necessarily permanent. I think my current mood is, perhaps, a bit down. Several reasons claim responsibility, some of which I won't get into. I wouldn't call this a funk, though. But I'm willing to bet that it will lead to one soon. Often times, when I feel down like this, it leads to a melancholy and you know how I feel about my melancholies (if you don't know... I love them).

I don't usually talk about my "feelings" like I'm going to right now... but I'm strangely in the mood to do so.

I just got back from a vacation to the beach. It was a great time with my family. On top of that, I have much to be thankful for. My future work circumstances seem to be heading in a wonderful direction (although nothing official yet). I've gotten to spend some quality time with some good friends lately. I've begun reading a book that a quarter of the way into it has already started to affect the way I think.

Why do I feel as if I've stepped under a cloud? I reckon it is a combination of things. First of all, I miss some people. I have never been able to tell if I am more of an "out of sight, out of mind" person or an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" type. I have come to believe that I am a hybrid of both. I think it can be summed up by "out of sight, out of mind... until a prolonged absence makes my heart wrench for those I've lost personal contact with."

What else? I've been busy this week. That may be the lamest reason in the universe to get to feeling down... but it's just that, a reason and not an excuse. When I feel like I don't have time to decompress from the day's events, my mood suffers afterwards... even subconsciously. And any time when I start feeling this way, I'm a bit more sensitive to aggression. Not sensitive emotionally, but sensitive spiritually, if that makes any sense. I retreat a little deeper into my shell.

Forlorn aside, there is also a sense of melancholy... which is what I expect this to fully grow into... a funk-sized melancholy. I've been noticeably more introspective lately. God has been showing me some things about dealing with myself and dealing with others, especially when people present themselves unpleasantly. Oswald Chambers has a lot of good things to say about that in My Utmost for His Highest. I'm trying something new with unpleasant people.

Another reason for more introspection is Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I've always wanted to read this but never gave myself the chance. I'd say to myself, "If you ever want to read another book again, you best not start it, since you'll be reading it for the rest of your life."

Who Is John Galt? This isn't the question I ask myself... but the book has led me to think differently about what I am sensing and feeling. I think more about the natural contradictions inside my thoughts and I take pause to fully grasp what I'm thinking. It opens up a new world when you stop and digest what you're thinking and feeling at the moment.

I've never experienced a melancholy in the summertime before. I'd like to know more about the correlation between my moods, funks and the seasons... but I'm afraid I have no answers there. Last week, I expected the melancholy to start when I was at the beach. It didn't. It was a shock mid-week when I realized that nothing had happened. I thought that a vacation of more solitude than ever before would surely ring that in. My parents and I were the only ones there until late Tuesday when my brother and sister-in-law came down until Friday. I figured I would have more time to myself, more independence, more melancholy. I jumped the gun on that one.

By the way, I've already started planning a few future posts... some about film, some about music, some with pictures and some with general stuff I'm learning.

I hope this melancholy helps me with my writing. I haven't worked on any films in a long time and that is partially due to inaction and partially due to computer troubles. My laptop was fixed and now it's not. It's a hard enough struggle getting things out of my head and onto paper (or computer screen), but it's even harder when I am willing but can't due to unstable technology.

I guess this post (more like a ramble) is a little insight into my present state of mind. If you have read it all, you may now congratulate yourself for surviving what I am sure is one of the more tiresome things you've read in a long time.

And buy new Coldplay album. It's fantastic.