24 July 2012

This one's on me

I've never been able to identify with labels like ADD or ADHD. I find them to be fallible clinical devices. I understand the sentiments involved with those who profess 'never being able to turn their brain off' or feeling like their brain is 'a TV that won't stop changing channels.' But why on earth would you want to turn your brain off? Thinking is beautiful. Thinking leads to many things. 'Changing channels' is more curious, but I think focus is a multi-faceted effort that involves countless variables and shouldn't be reduced to one's personal limits of control.

Thinking is what I do best. Like all people, sometimes I think too much and sometimes I don't think enough. But I think about everything and I think about multiple scenarios for any given situation. Getting anything out of my head is much more difficult, but I confess to not trying as often as I should.

Ideas are toys; fun to play with, easily collectible. Share them or keep them to yourself. Ideas are safer than reality, although they come with no actual rewards. Ideas must be realized to collect any reward. Otherwise, they sit in your head and collect dust.

My execution in realizing ideas is often clumsy. Earnest, I believe, but cumbersome. Prayer always helps, but sometimes not as quickly as I perceive the need. Knowing that God is not on any timetable, I am still on His timetable. Sometimes I prefer simple prayers, such as asking God to slam shut a door that He does not want open or swing wide open a door He wants me to walk though. Details are good too, but He already knows my heart. He is always faithful, despite the gap between desired answers and given answers.

I feel like I am typing out a plate of lettered spaghetti. I guess that's what I've got.


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  2. Nicely put. God's not looking at our calendar. He's looking at His, because it's perfect.

    Also, about the ADD thing. I have been diagnosed with it since elementary school. A year ago, I started getting medicine for it again. But last month or so, I decided to go back off of it, because like you pointed out, I want my brain to function the way it was born. Why put it in a box? But we'll see if I still agree in the near future. I went back on the medicine originally because the ADD was starting to drive me crazy!